It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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