Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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