EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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