My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
