I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
