i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
