Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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