He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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