I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
