i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
