Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
