I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
