If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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