I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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