im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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