I puked a lego.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
