Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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