who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
