He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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