wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
