Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
