the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
