my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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