My nipple is on Facebook.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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