Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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