Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
