pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
