When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
