i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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