Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
