If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
