ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i drank out of a bidet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
