I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
