The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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