Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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