it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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