Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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