3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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