Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
