There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
