My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
