..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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