no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
