I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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