I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
