Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize