Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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