My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
