Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
