saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
