Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
