So drunk its hurt
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
