Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
