I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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