I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
