OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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