it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
