I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This house was built for laser tag.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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