Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
