I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
