Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
