I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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