After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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