Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
