I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
