Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
