I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize