I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
