my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
