were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
