Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
