I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
